|Back To School...
I took my child to Kindergarten today, her first day. I should say ‘our’ first day. She has been in pre-school since she was 3, so after 2 years you would think I wouldn’t be so emotional about it all. The issue at hand is not school itself, it’s the miles between us. I’ve not had to deal with that before. She has been with me, no further really than 5 minutes at any given time, is now over 20 miles away, every day. That’s a major adjustment, more for me I think than her.
She rolled her little backpack into the school building, a smile of anticipation on her face. I walked ahead so I wouldn’t think too much. I carried her required boxes of Kleenex as I hoped I wouldn’t need to break them open. I didn’t want to ruin her first day of school by having her remember me crying. We had prepared each other for this all summer and I couldn’t now cry about it…could I?
We entered the brightly decorated class room and found her name plate on the table. She put all her things next to her and proceeded to look around. Asking what is this Moma, what is that, I wonder what we are going to do with this? I smiled at her and told her I didn’t know but I was sure it would be exciting, whatever it was. I mindlessly proceeded to complete her information sheet for the teacher.
There on the table was a coloring sheet and a small container of play-dough. The teacher came in and we talked for a bit before she put a name-tag on her shirt and directed her to the items in front of her. She opened her play-dough and I asked her if I needed to stay for a while, did she need me? Her smiling face looked up to me and simply said, ‘No’ as she proceeded to knead the dough and look away.
Part of me knows I did a good job to get her to this place in her life, but part of me wanted her to need me…ask me to stay…because I am her Moma and I needed to stay. I turned to leave and as I looked back in, I knew she was going to be ok, she was ready for this chapter in her life. Me, that’s a different story.
In reality though, when she was conceived, as now, this story is not about me at all. This day is simply the next chapter in her life as it stretches out before her…I am honored that God would give her to me and allow me to be a part of it…amidst the tears I smile, because I know God is in control, even when I am not.
Shanna Hoskison © August 11, 2005