|Stumped, This Early In The Year
I sit here and wonder what to share this month. Most times I write about my children, an experience, etc. that has touched my life recently. Today, I’m stumped. Not because I haven’t been blessed, certainly…but because I don’t want to ramble on and on and waste time that the Lord has set aside for a word from Him.
Valentine’s day is this month…do I write about it? Another blank. How about ‘love,’ no. I just don’t know where to go with this one. Could this be writers block, lack of concentration, or possibly that I’m simply trying to hard? Not sure at this point, but I’m open for an answer, for inspiration, and for His voice.
As February begins, it is obvious this is going to be a long year. (If I’m this stumped in February, perhaps someone else wouldn’t mind sharing in March?) Of course, long is a relative term and can be interpreted as positive and negative. For example, you pick up a really good book, you read every spare minute, you even make spare minutes you didn’t realize you had. You watch the remaining pages with expectation and some ‘remiss’ with each page you turn. You get closer to the end of the book, to the plot, to understanding what it’s all about…and yet, it’s the end of the book. It’s over…nothing left but to say, “Wow that was a great book..” and maybe tell your friends about it. (Is there a sequel?) Perhaps you gleaned something from it’s pages, perhaps you were able to make application of some of it’s wealth in your life situation and circumstances. The book was a good read, yet it’s over.
January 2003 is but a memory. February 2003 is in some ways the beginning of that ending. March will continue where February leaves off and so on. Each hour, each day, each week, each month, each year begins and ends. Such is life. Full of beginnings and endings, endings and beginnings.
I have to wonder, has my January begun and ended with anything that keeps me turning it’s pages? Can I look back now that February has begun and be grateful that I had the opportunity to open the book? Is February a Chapter 2 in my book or are my pages already dwindled and I’m glad to close the cover? Am I looking forward to March with anticipation or am I wishing those days to march along faster than normal?
We speak of blessings, we know that God has provided and we even proclaim those blessings…sometimes. But, what have we to show for it? What have I done for God? Have I been the vessel He wanted of me? Has He called me to do/say something that I haven’t found time for?
As I reflect on 2003, even 1 month into it, I want to be ready for each moment to come. I want to anticipate each sun-rise knowing there is another opportunity for me to be that yielded vessel. I want to look back in December 2003 and feel that I at least listened to God and attempted to know and to do His will for my life. But, in order to do that…I have to realize February leads to December, before December gets here. I want my personal relationship to be a closer and more rewarding one because I woke up this morning. This alone is a great feat – think about it. What have I done to deserve this morning and the consequential day…nothing…because I can’t. To say otherwise would imply I was worthy of the blessings He offers…which we all know we are not, nor can we ever be.
So, I sit here stumped, not knowing what to write…not knowing what the Lord would have me pen on paper…but I know if I ask and seek long enough, He will provide. I must press-in. I must make the sacrifice of my time, my energy and my life. It is but His gift to me, and I simply want to offer it back. To throw it at His feet, and hopefully look upon His smiling face with something I may have accomplished, for Him.
Here I am Lord, your stumped (yet yielded) vessel. Standing, willingly, and expecting. I think that’s what this ‘block’ is all about…understanding and accepting that I can do nothing, alone. Shanna Hoskison © Feb 5, 2003
John 15:5 …without me, you can do nothing.